Protection, yes, but weapon too.
For as it shields, it smothers
extinguishing fear and flame.
Still and safe inside
cuts sharper, deeper
than stepping into the conflagration.
If I were true to myself,
I’d deny you nothing.
Give what could not be taken—
If I were strong enough to speak,
I’d say what weakens my heart.
Spill all hidden within—
even from me.
If you wanted me for your own,
You’d repel all others.
Refrain from mentions of potential—
Being in love with potential
keeps your feet moving—
A new address, a new circle—
through which to glide.
But different room and fresh scenes
give no new spaces to hide.
Old faults and weaknesses
find a way of showing.
And all these alterations
haven’t changed my mind.
Alone with your thoughts
happens any place.
Doubt and insecurity catch you
no matter how long the race.
Thus, it’s only my comfort
that I’ve left far behind.
Weighty imperfections bend my will.
Lower it to unworthy aims.
What’s the point of wanting it still,
when no pull on you it claims?
One by one desires shrink to duty
and cravings to responsibility cave.
Why cling to them tightly,
when I don’t deserve them anyway?
Hurriedly days rush to slow ends.
Uncertain if time stretches or stops.
How can I tell when moments blend,
if I use the sameness as a prop?
Fleeting phrases hold constant truths
and though, the cynics they may scoff,
words bore into our skin like roots
no matter how we try to shake them off.
So, to you, there is nothing more to say.
But, to the car radio, I confess.
Emotions you never make give way,
there, my mouth eager to express.
Pouring pent-up passion and dread
into resonating sound
into confined air, my words spread
and liberate feelings once bound.
With lips poised to push sentiment
never evoked by daily antics,
I realize longings are not meant
to be restricted to lyrics.
Yet, easier to lend heart to vibrating voice
than to one so unprovoking,
and declare you to be my choice.
Seems love is only possible while singing.
Returning to the same place,
one I thought far behind,
once again the tears come.
Running faster just to keep pace,
I lose all sense of time,
when I didn’t realize it had begun.
Feeling once more the harsh biting sting,
previously healed by forgetfulness,
I reexamine all the old scars.
Regretting what opportunity didn’t bring,
the contentment promised by wistfulness,
I fall far like a shooting star.
Between the sheets
I cannot hide
All day long
I’ve put aside
In a wide bed
I climb high
to the crest,
Of a loneliness
I cannot pry
from my chest.
I come again
to the same
In the quiet after,
I feel the pain
end all illusions.